dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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