We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
