And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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