He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
