is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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