so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
