a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
