Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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