Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i now understand why vodka
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize