so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
