I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Randomize