____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
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