Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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