Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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