I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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