My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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