Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
did i just pee glitter
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