Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
