nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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