i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
