Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
