Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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