I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize