how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
