my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
