one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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