420 ftw
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize