Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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