i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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