also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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