shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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