We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
