I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
