What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
