well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
