Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
