Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
