therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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