i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
