3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Alive.
So much puke
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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