we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
