just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
