We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
