you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
