i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
