every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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