maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
