you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dignity is for republicans.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
