The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
