I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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