The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
