what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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