Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize