I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
