Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
