he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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