The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
