We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
