I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
