So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
