his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
