Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
