and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
