I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
