I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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